For most of my life, I have been a
person that is very focused on academics and perfection. It was not until my
freshman year when this became a big problem. Where I went to school, 9th
grade was a part of the junior high, so instead of being at the bottom of the
food chain freshman year, we were at the top; we were the oldest at our school.
Throughout my time in junior high, I was majorly involved in many ways, but
especially in leadership. By the time I was a 9th grader, I had
become the person that everyone looked to for help and guidance, which I loved.
However, there was a dark curse lurking. There were many times throughout the
year that I would end up in my teacher’s office crying because I felt like I
had the world on my shoulders; I would come home and have panic attacks. It was
no fun but I couldn’t figure out why. I knew that I took everything too
seriously and I put too much pressure on myself but I couldn’t stop.
Then my sophomore year came along
and I did the same thing I did in junior high; I became the go to person in
leadership. I take pride in being this person for my peers and my teachers. But
my need for perfection was still impacting me. Adding on to the pressure I put
on myself to excel in leadership, I also put pressure on myself to get straight
A’s, because that is what I have always done. All this made me sicker and
sicker. After missing about a week of school because I couldn’t get out of bed,
I went to the doctor and got diagnosed with severe anxiety and mild OCD.. Due
to my anxiety, I missed about a third of my sophomore year. I was also taking
some of the hardest honors classes available. Even though I couldn’t always go
to class, I worked with my teachers and my classmates to make sure I stayed
caught up. I was determined to not let my anxiety wreck the grades I have
worked so hard to get. I ended getting my worst ever grades(A’s and one C), but
compared to others in my grade, I was still above average. I was proud that I
was able to make it through that year and still graduate in the end with a 3.7.
This is something that I will now
struggle with for the rest of my life, but I don’t let it control my life. I
have overcome it once when I was at my worst, therefore I know I can always
make it through any obstacle, no matter how difficult.
